Spooky title…am I in for a spooky story?!
What we liked…
•You’ve done a fantastic job making first person narrative work for you – congrats! It’s not easy…
•You’ve certainly intrigued this reader into wanting to find answers… why did she need treatment, who and what is James Alexander?! We need to know…
What’s not working so well…
•I’m struggling to work out what I’m reading – is this going to be erotica or paranormal? It’s nice to know what genre you’re in…
•Yes, older men are hot (go vampires and Mr Knightley) but they can also be creepy (Dickensian child-bride) so I think the line needs to be straddled delicately especially if the desire sparks in an eight-year-old-girl…
•I think the narrative is strong and the dialogue nice and snappy – but the juxtaposition of the two jars – the tone feels different. Have a think about how you could integrate them better
Getting this made entering the competition worthwhile. After they had chosen their Top 10 and I hadn't made it, I kind of felt a bit empty ... and then along came this!!
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